Chapter 15

I unlocked my door and Sidney followed me inside. We walked straight down the stairs to my basement and sat on the couch. I flipped through channels on the TV until I found the Devils game. The second period was just starting and they were winning 2-0 over Toronto.

“I don’t know how you can stand to watch this. It’s so boring,” he said to me obviously teasing when the period was half over. I contorted my face into mock horror.

“How dare you say such a thing?” He laughed at me and I went back to watching the game. It wasn’t long before I was hit in the head with a throw pillow, which spilled the soda I was drinking all over me. My jaw dropped in shock as I jumped up to grab towels and clean up the mess.

“That’s for the champagne,” he said through giggles.

I narrowed my eyes at him and nodded in understanding. Only I wasn’t thrilled that one of my favorite shirts was covered in diet Dr. Pepper. I grabbed a pillow off of a chair and wound up. Sid was watching a replay of a goal Toronto had scored and didn’t see it coming. I got him right in the face. He gave me the same look I had just previously given him. Next thing I knew were nailing each other with the pillows, laughing the whole time. Eventually I knocked the pillow out of his hands and halfway across the room.

“You’re in for it now,” I told him.

Instead of waiting to see what I would do, he lunged at me and started tickling me. I started screaming and squirming under him. It was so childish but I hadn’t done anything that seemed so random and fun in a long time. My day at work quickly faded from my mind. I abandoned the pillow and started trying to defend myself. I managed to somehow pull myself to a sitting up position.

“You know, you’re such a child sometimes,” I said in the most serious voice I could manage at the time. He immediately stopped tickling me and looked at me, shocked. He almost looked hurt. I knew the age thing could be a sensitive subject with him depending on the situation and that’s exactly what I was banking on.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything.”

Too late he saw the devilish twinkle in my eyes. He was completely defenseless when I tackled him to the couch tickling him instead. I wasn’t sure he was even ticklish when I went for it, but I discovered that indeed he was. He fought back, twisting and turning. He managed to flip me over onto my back so that he was towering over me. He grabbed hold of my wrists and I was stuck. I’d lost this battle.

We were both laughing and trying to catch our breaths when our eyes met. I’m not even sure how it happened or who initiated it, but the next thing I knew his lips were on mine. It took a second before I even realized what was happening. When we pulled apart we just looked at each other.

My heart started racing and despite all I’d tried to tell myself, I knew that I hadn’t wanted it to end. He started to shift off of me and he let go of my wrists. My brain stopped working and my body took over. Instead of letting him up I put my hands on his face. He took the hint and lowered his mouth back to mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck. Time seemed to stop existing and I don’t know how long that kiss lasted. When we finally stopped he sat up.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that,” he apologized.

I wasn’t sorry. I responded by standing up and taking his hand. He stood up too and I led him upstairs. I knew it wasn’t a good idea. I shouldn’t be doing this, I told myself over and over while we made our way upstairs. No matter how much I told myself that this was a bad idea, I couldn’t make my feet stop moving towards the bedroom. For all I knew I was girl number 10 on the week for Sidney, but somewhere in my brain I knew he wasn’t that type. I stopped and turned to face him when we got into my room.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked. Always the gentleman. I knew I couldn’t stop myself now. I smiled and kissed him. Then I pulled his shirt off revealing those unbelievable muscles. My God I didn’t think men with bodies like that existed in real life. I ran my hand over his abs just to feel them. He put his hand under my chin and tilted my face up to his. My knees went weak when I looked into his eyes and I thought that I was going to collapse to the floor. Seemingly satisfied that this was in fact what I wanted, he smiled and my shirt was quickly off.

I suddenly became nervous. Only two other men had seen me without clothes on. The last one had used me for sex. I felt vulnerable. Would he find me attractive? Should I be embarrassed about anything? Oh no, what underwear was I wearing? I felt myself tense up and I knew he felt it too. He hesitated and looked at me with the question in his eyes: should I stop?

“I-I’m not-There’s only been two other people and quite honestly I’m nervous,” I said feeling like my face must be turning the color of a tomato in embarrassment. What was wrong with me? He laughed, but not in a way that made me feel like a fool. He kissed me again.

“Then we’re in the same boat,” he replied. There was no way that was true. In the past few months I had witnessed girl after girl throw themselves at him. He had to be very experienced. He seemed to read my mind. “Look, there’s been more than two, but it’s been a long time. I was never into the casual thing. Not to mention I’ve been thinking about this since the day we met last year. I’m nervous too.” It could have been a line just to get me in bed, but I believed him. I fought away my nerves and smiled up at him. “Are you sure?”

I kissed him again in response and I could feel the muscles in his arms and shoulders as I let my hands wander over him. I still couldn’t believe the perfection of his physique. I ran my hands over his abs again and up to his chest. There was no way this was really happening. I was waiting for the dream to end and for me to wake up. Then again, even my dreams hadn’t been this good.

I felt like it was the first time all over again. I was nervous and second guessing everything. I’d been nervous with Thomas the first time, but not like this. My heart was racing and I could barely breathe. Things with Thomas and my other ex hadn’t felt anything like this. For the first time in my life I felt like it was happening because it was meant to and not because I felt I should.

I laid in Sid’s arms after and tried to catch my breath. That’s when it hit me. Oh, this was not good. I never should have done that. I started to panic. I’d just done what I’d told myself I would never do again after Thomas. I’d slept with another hockey player. My dad’s voice came into my head again. “Loralei, stay away from hockey players. Trust me I would know. I won’t have my daughter getting treated that way.” No, no, no, this was not happening. What was the matter with me? Had I not learned just two months ago with Thomas? I rolled off of Sidney and covered myself up. I fought back tears as he turned to look at me, confused.

“Lor, what’s wrong?” I didn’t want to talk about it. I couldn’t. Not that it would matter now that I’d slept with him. He was going to go into the locker room tomorrow and they’d all have a good laugh at my expense and he’d move onto his next conquest, just like my father had said would happen and Thomas had actually done. Sid had been waiting for me for a long time, he’d be sure to brag tomorrow. He lifted himself up onto his elbow and looked down at me. “Loralei, tell me what’s going on.”

“That wasn’t supposed to happen. We were never supposed to do that. I thought you knew I wasn’t interested in you like this. I should never have even let us become friends. You just had to keep pushing it, didn’t you?” This time he started to panic.

“Wait a minute, hold on. You started this. I didn’t do anything you didn’t want me to do. I asked you more than once if you wanted to do this.” I then realized what it sounded like I was accusing him of. I covered my face with my hands as the tears started to come. Why was I so emotional? I sat up, keeping myself covered, and brought my knees up to my chest.

“That’s not what I mean. I’m sorry. I just shouldn’t have done this.”

“What are you scared of? Is it me or is it something else?” he asked hitting the mark perfectly. I wiped away the tears that had fallen.

“I just don’t want to get hurt again.” I looked everywhere except at him. I knew that if I looked at him I’d have to admit that I’d been falling for him since the moment I’d met him and I wasn’t ready to do that.

“Why would I hurt you? I thought you weren’t interested in me. I thought you didn’t like me like that. I can’t hurt someone that’s not emotionally attached to me.” Why did he have to be so observant? I guess I couldn’t avoid it now. I looked at him and words evaded me. I didn’t know how to respond. I was just admitting it to myself that I had feelings for him. I couldn’t admit it to him yet. He ran his fingers through my hair. “We’ll take it slow, as slow as you want. Don’t run from me, give me a chance.”

I had a debate going on in my head. I wanted to believe he was different from Thomas. I wanted to believe that just because my father had been right about Thomas didn’t mean he’d be right about Sidney. Could I believe him? I believed Thomas and he broke my heart. Twice. But didn’t Sidney at least deserve a chance? I knew I’d never felt so good in anyone else’s arms. It quickly became clear that the logical side of me was losing out and the emotional side had already won.

“I can’t promise anything. I need to take this at my pace or I’m not going to be able to do it. You can’t push me,” I finally told him. He pulled me into his arms and kissed my forehead.

“I’ll take anything I can get.” He kissed away the rest of the tears that had fallen. I hoped that I wasn’t making a mistake. Now the biggest problem was going to be breaking this to my dad. I just wouldn’t tell him until I knew how things were working out.

“Don’t hurt me. I don’t think I can take being hurt again,” I told him.

“I would never think of doing that. I’ve waited too long for you to screw anything up.” He kissed me again and the feelings I’d felt earlier came rushing back. It was the first time that anyone had made me feel this way, and as scared as I was, I liked it.