Chapter 20

Another week had passed since New Years and Sidney and I still hadn’t spoken to each other. I hadn’t even seen him. I knew that it should all be behind me after almost two months, but it wasn’t. There was always something that reminded me of him and it hurt every time. Even my friends were sick of me. They’d tried numerous times to cheer me up but it never worked.

“Maybe you loved him,” Phoebe said one night over dinner. I just shook my head.

“Why are we still talking about this?” I asked.

“Because you’re not over it and it’s been too long, hon. We’re just concerned about you,” Reagan said taking my hand. I pulled it away.

“You weren’t even this depressed with Thomas,” Sheila added.

“I’m fine. My life is better without him in it. Can we move on please?”

“Not until you admit that you were in love with him,” Phoebe replied. I glared at her and stood up. I took out my wallet and threw some money on the table.

“I don’t have to listen to this.” I turned and walked out of the restaurant.

“You love him, Rory, just tell him!” Reagan called after me.

I didn’t stop. I got into my car and drove home. I didn’t love him. That was just ridiculous. We’d only been dating for two weeks. Oh, who was I kidding? We had been dating the whole time, ever since we’d met a year ago. I’d had feelings for him from the moment I’d laid eyes on him at the bar. At least I’d been able to admit that to myself. It still didn’t mean I was in love with Sidney Crosby.

It was still early but I changed into pajamas and got into bed. I turned on the TV and flipped through the channels. I ended up turning it off. It seemed like everything that was on was about romance and relationships. Well, I was done with all of that. I’d had my heart broken twice and I was never going to let it happen again. Then the logical thoughts kicked in. How did you have your heart broken if you weren’t in love? I groaned and buried my face in my pillow. I couldn’t have been in love, could I? Sheila was right when she said the whole thing with Sidney had hurt me more than when Thomas had cheated on me, and I was in love with Thomas. Logically, how was I not in love with Sidney then? No matter what I felt, I still wouldn’t let myself believe that I was in love with him. If I loved him, it made it all even harder.

I felt the tears coming again. I didn’t know how I had any left. I’d been crying constantly since the fight we’d had. I knew that it was my fault. If I hadn’t held him an arms length away it never would have happened. I should have just been honest and straightforward with him from the beginning. Would it have changed anything? I knew that it was my fault he had gotten mad, but that still didn’t excuse what he did. If he’d cared about me at all he never would have gone out and picked up some chick to take home. For that I didn’t know if I’d be able to forgive him. All he’d done was prove my father right.





Sidney drove home from dinner at Mario’s house. He sometimes missed living there. Mario was a close friend and always there with advice. Nathalie and the kids were great and they always knew how to cheer him up. Not to mention that if he still lived there he never would have ruined things with Loralei. If he still lived at the Lemieux house he never would have brought home a girl. It had been almost two months and he still couldn’t remember how it happened. The last thing he remembered about that night was Max bringing the girl over to talk to him. The next thing he remembered was waking up to the doorbell when Loralei had come over.

He’d talked to Mario about it. He needed advice because he just couldn’t get Loralei out of his mind still. Luckily he wasn’t letting it affect hockey, but it affected everything else in his life. He was driving his teammates crazy with his attitude and he knew it. So when he went to Mario he was hoping for a solution to getting her out of his head. There was no way she’d ever talk to him again so he just had to move on.

“So what do I do?” he had asked Mario after dinner while they sat in the den with a hockey game on in the background.

“Tell her,” was Mario’s response.

“Tell her what?”

“That you love her.”

Sidney had laughed, not out of amusement but because that wasn’t possible. Sure, he really cared about her, but love? Not a chance. He left the house that night still thinking about it. He’d really gone for her. He chased her for a year until she finally gave him a chance. Why would he have wasted his time otherwise? Because she was someone he had fallen in love with, that’s why.

He pulled into his driveway and got out. He’d started taking a roundabout way to avoid driving past her house. It was stupid he knew, but just seeing it hurt. He was unfair to her when he’d yelled at her and he knew it. She’d obviously hidden things for a reason and he wished he just knew why. He walked in the door and greeted an excited Shooter who was barking like crazy. He put some food in the bowl for Shooter’s dinner. Then he headed into his living room to turn on the TV.

Great, everything on TV had to do with relationships. That was exactly what he needed to watch right now, he thought. He flicked it off and looked around. Usually Shooter came running in when he was done eating, wanting to play but he was nowhere to be seen.

“Shooter!” he called. There was no bark in response, no paws running across the floor. “Shooter!” he called a little louder. Still there was nothing. “What are you getting yourself into?” Sidney grumbled more to himself than to the dog. He got up and walked into the kitchen. There he saw Shooter lying on the ground, not breathing, eyes glazing over. Without a second thought he grabbed the dog, jumped in his car and pulled out of the driveway.





I turned the radio off deciding every song on was too depressing to listen to. I walked over to my bookshelf and perused the books I hadn’t read yet trying to find one that would make me forget the problems in my life, at least temporarily. Just as I picked one up the doorbell rang. No, it didn’t just ring someone was repeatedly pushing the doorbell and not letting up. Annoyed I went downstairs and pulled open the door. Sidney was standing there holding Shooter in his arms.

“Something’s wrong with him. I left him in the kitchen and when I got back he was like this. I didn’t know what to do.” The words poured out in a panic. I grabbed the dog and put him down on the floor.

“I have some supplies in the kitchen. It’s the cupboard above the refrigerator. Grab them,” I ordered.

He ran into the kitchen and I felt for a pulse. Shooter still had one, but it was weak. I listened for breaths but there were none. Sidney raced back in with the box of emergency tools I kept at the house. I’d had them for when I eventually got myself a dog. I tried to get a response from Shooter any way I could but he wasn’t responding to anything. His eyes were rolled back in his head.

“Sidney, think. What were you doing before you left Shooter alone in the kitchen?”

“I don’t know. I walked in from being out, I poured some food in his dish and then I left the room.”

I grabbed one of the mini flashlights I had and opened Shooter’s mouth. I could see a chunk of food lodged in his throat. I grabbed the necessary tools and told Sidney to hold Shooter’s mouth open. It took a little while but I managed to get the food out of his throat. I listened for a breath but I didn’t hear any like I was hoping. I had to perform CPR on him. I was starting to worry that it had been too late when I heard a sharp intake of breath come from the dog. I listened and I could hear that his breathing was becoming normal. I felt his pulse and it was becoming stronger.

“He was choking. I think he’ll be okay. Just give him a minute to wake up,” I told Sidney.

He didn’t answer. He just stared at Shooter who was now in his arms, waiting. It was almost heartbreaking seeing how upset he was that he might lose his dog. He obviously loved Shooter. Most people think a man who is great with kids is the most attractive thing in the world, but for me it was a man who loved his dog. Then it hit me all at once like a ton of bricks. I knew then that I in fact did love Sidney Crosby.

Shooter stirred and gradually woke up. When I saw a tear roll down Sidney’s face I turned and walked into the kitchen. I felt like I was intruding. I pulled down a glass and filled it with water. I drank it all in one gulp. I couldn’t believe that Sidney was here in my house. I didn’t know if I’d ever talk to him again and now he was here. And I loved him. I heard paws running towards me and turned to see Sidney and Shooter coming into the room. I bent down and grabbed Shooter’s head.

“You gave us a scare, mister. I’d appreciate you eating your food a little slower next time, okay?” I gave him a kiss on the top of the head and let him go.

“Thank you so much. I didn’t know where else to go,” Sidney said. I forced a smile.

“I’m glad I could help.” We both just stood there for a minute. It was awkward. Things had never been awkward with us before and it broke my heart a little bit more.

“I guess I’ll let you get back to what you were doing before I came. Thanks again.”

I nodded and watched him walk out of the room. I heard the door open and close again. I gripped the countertop so hard that my knuckles turned white. I turned and leaned over the counter putting my face in my hands.

“Why can’t I just tell him how I feel?!” I yelled out loud at myself.

“I don’t know. Why can’t you just tell me?” I whirled around at the sound of his voice. There he was, standing in the doorway to my kitchen with Shooter standing next to him.

“I thought you left.”

“I was going to, but I couldn’t leave without talking to you. How do you feel?”

“I’m going to bed,” I said pushing past him and heading for the stairs. I loved him, but I was still hurt and angry and not ready to talk to him yet. He caught me and grabbed my arm not letting me leave.

“Okay, you don’t want to talk about how you feel, but you’re at least going to listen to me before you blow me off. You owe me that. Please.” I paused debating over what to do.

“Not right now. Please, I can’t take it right now,” I said through the forming tears.

“Lunch tomorrow?” he asked. I thought about it and decided that it was best to get it over with.

“Fine. I’ll meet you at the deli near my office at 1,” I told him.

He nodded and attempted a smile before he called to Shooter and walked out the front door. I went upstairs and got into bed. I pulled the comforter completely over my head and did my best not to think about Sidney.