Chapter 27

So I didn't even realize that the last chapter sounded so final until I reread it later. I've still got a couple of chapters left and I've already started writing a new story so there will be plenty to read.





I smiled as I looked over at Sidney, who was curled up to me and asleep. I was on my back and his forehead was resting against my shoulder. His right arm was thrown over my stomach and his right leg was slung over both of mine. I wasn’t much of a napper but since I hadn’t been able to work I’d started curling up with him when he took his pre-game nap.

It had all started with the first game he had after I moved in. I was only half conscious in bed thanks to the painkillers when Sid came in for his nap. I vaguely remember apologizing for being in the way and interrupting his routine but couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed. He’d smiled and crawled into bed next to me telling me not to worry, he slept better when I was there anyway. I gave into the drugs and fell asleep in his arms. He’d gone out and had a 5 point night.

Now I was just enjoying the view. In a few days it would be Monday and I would be able to go back to work. There were only three more games in the regular season before playoffs and I knew my time napping with Sidney was coming to an end. Even if I wasn’t at all tired, I was going to enjoy the time I had left. A little while later his alarm went off. He groaned and without opening his eyes he found my lips with his.

“Can you call the league and tell them to delay the game by an hour? I’m not ready to get up yet,” he joked. I laughed and kissed his forehead before moving out from under him.

“I can see it now. ‘NHL delays game so Crosby can stay in bed with opposing coach’s daughter’.” The Penguins were playing their last regular season game against the Devils that night.

“Your dad wouldn’t mind. He likes me now,” Sid said getting out of bed.

“Only if you don’t score tonight,” I told him as I made the bed. He laughed at me and I looked up to see him shaking his head. “What?”

“You are the biggest neat freak I’ve ever met.” I narrowed my eyes at him, but knew he was right.

“And you’re the biggest slob I’ve ever met. It’s a good thing you moved me in here. I don’t know how you lived in all that filth before.” He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist giving me a kiss on the cheek.

“Are we going to dinner with your father after, or is he heading straight back?” he asked.

“They’re playing in Philly tomorrow so they’re staying here overnight. Is that okay?” He pulled away and walked into the closet.

“It’s fine.”

I watched him get dressed and pouted when he put a shirt on. A body that perfect should never be covered up. When he was ready he kissed me goodbye and I got into the shower. An hour later I was in Brianne’s car on my way to dinner.

I chose not to cheer during this particular game. I knew the guys on both teams, and I loved a guy on each side. It just wouldn’t be fair to pick one over the other. Sidney had to go be a smart ass and score the game winner in overtime. I rolled my eyes when he looked up in my direction and pointed, but couldn’t keep myself from laughing. We met my father for dinner, where dad good naturedly told Sidney that if he were still playing Sidney would have been on his ass before he got the shot off.

A month later both teams were out of the playoffs in the Conference Semis. I was sad knowing that in just another week Sidney would be flying back up to Cole Harbour while I stayed here. I cried every time I saw Sidney pack something, and he began to pack at night while I was sleeping to avoid the scene.

“Babe, you’re flying up in three weeks,” he said to me as I watched him throw his shoes into a bag.

“I’m not crying because you’re leaving. I’m crying because of how you’re treating those poor shoes,” I joked. He walked over and put his arms around me.

“Time will fly. You’re back working and Phoebe, Reagan, and Sheila promised to keep you busy. You’ll be up visiting before you know it.” I nodded into his shoulder, but it didn’t make the tears stop.

Eventually Sidney got his packing done with no help from me. It was his last night in town and he said he wanted to take me out one last time. We grabbed our usual Italian and talked over a bottle of wine. When we left dinner he told me we had one more stop to make. I was confused but followed him into a jewelry store.

“What exactly are we doing in here?” I asked him.

“Pick something,” he said.

“Pick something? Sidney, this is ridiculous. You know I don’t need any jewelry.” He rolled his eyes at me.

“I know you don’t need any, but I want you to have something. Walk around, find something. Anything you want, you get.”

I wanted to argue with him but knew there was no use. Sid waited by the entrance while I walked around looking in each of the cases. At one point I saw him chatting up one of the salespeople. As I made my way around the store trying to find something I liked that wasn’t too expensive I found myself in front of the engagement rings.

I glanced back to Sidney who wasn’t paying any attention to me at all. I didn’t want him to catch me looking at them in case it would freak him out. Even though an engagement ring wasn’t what I was looking for, I couldn’t help but admire them. I’d been dreaming of my wedding day since I was a kid and I loved everything about weddings. I stopped walking when I spotted what to me would be the perfect ring. It was a large single princess cut diamond on a white gold band accented with smaller diamonds around the band.

“See something you like?” one of the salespeople asked me. I glanced over at Sidney once more before answering. He was now on his phone and practically had his back to me.

“That ring is beautiful,” I whispered to make sure he couldn’t hear me.

“Would you like to try it on?” she asked. I shook my head.

“Oh, no. I was just admiring it. I’m not looking for something like that,” I told her. I quickly moved away from the engagement ring section. I finally settled on a simple alexandrite necklace and earring set since it was my birthstone. Sidney insisted I wear them home, even though no one would see them.

“They look beautiful on you,” he said kissing me as we walked out the door.

“Thank you so much for getting them for me,” I told him wrapping my arms around his neck. We kissed for as long as we dared before making our way back to his car and heading home.

The next morning came much too quickly and the second the alarm went off tears came to my eyes. Sidney laughed at me when he saw me, and did his best to kiss the tears away. It was completely irrational to be this upset when someone was only leaving for a few weeks, but I couldn’t help it. I drove him to the airport and hugged him for an eternity before finally letting him go.

“I’ll see you in three weeks,” he said putting his forehead to mine.

“I can’t wait.”

“I love you, Loralei. I’ll miss you.”

“I love you too.” He kissed me one last time and I watched him walk inside the airport. I stood there until he was out of sight and even a bit longer, unable to move. It wasn’t until a police officer asked me if I could move my car that I finally left.

I got back to the house and walked inside. It felt weird being there by myself knowing that Sidney was gone. I’d never had a problem living alone before but now I felt my stomach clenching. About an hour later the doorbell rang. I was surprised when I answered the door.

“What are you guys doing here?” I asked as Phoebe, Reagan, and Sheila walked past me carrying bags.

“We’re moving in,” Sheila said leading the pack up the stairs to the guest bedrooms.

“It was something Sidney asked us to do. He thought maybe you’d be afraid to be home by yourself,” Phoebe added.

“We’ll be in and out, but someone will always be here with you at night,” Reagan finished. I smiled at them as I followed them upstairs.

“He was right. I’m glad you guys are here,” I thanked them giving them each a hug. Sidney always thought of everything.

Chapter 26

I woke up to the sound of a loud bang. I glanced over at the clock and saw that it was almost 11:00 in the morning. I reached into the drawer of the nightstand next to me and grabbed the knife I had stashed in there. Sidney was at practice, so I knew it wasn’t him. I crept out of bed and slowly made my way to the stairs.

I heard another bang followed by someone shushing another person. How was this happening to me again? I walked down the stairs slowly, keeping my back pressed to the wall. I peered around the corner at the bottom in the direction I’d heard the noises come from but didn’t see anything. I turned to make a run for it out the door when I ran into someone and screamed.

“Jesus, what the hell?!” Colby exclaimed dropping a box to the floor. I put a hand over my heart and lowered the knife when I saw him.

“What are you doing in here?” I asked him trying to catch my breath.

“Colby, quiet, Loralei’s upstairs sleeping!” Marc rasped at him coming around the corner. Then he caught sight of me and made a face that told me I wasn't supposed to know they were there. “Or not.”

“Okay, someone better start explaining something soon,” I said to them crossing my arms.

“Are those little polar bears on your pants?” Colby asked looking at my pajamas and giggling. I punched him in the arm.

“Don’t you dare change the subject.” He and Marc looked at each other and then back at me.

“We aren’t practicing today, we have it off,” Marc told me as if that explained anything.

“What do you mean you have it off?” I didn’t understand what was going on and what that had to do with them being in the house.

“Well, Therrian told us yesterday after practice that we didn’t have to come in today,” Colby said. I turned back to him, glaring.

“No shit, Sherlock. I get that. Why are you in Sid’s house?” I was getting really impatient really fast. Especially now that Colby had pointed out I was wearing my fairly embarrassing polar bear pajama pants.

“Don’t you mean your house?” Marc asked. He had a point. It had been three weeks since I’d moved in with Sidney. Even so I was getting nowhere with these two idiots. I heard another noise come from down in the basement. I looked up at the two of them and I saw their eyes go wide.

“Loralei, no!” Colby yelled after me as I ran to the basement door. I made it down the stairs before either of them could catch me. When I reached the bottom I froze in shock. I was looking at a carbon copy of the basement in my old house. Jordan and Whit looked up when they heard the commotion of Colby and Marc chasing me down the stairs.

“Uh-oh,” Jordan said as I looked around the room. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

“This is my stuff,” I said more to myself than to them as I walked around looking at everything. Things were in identical places as they had been in my house. Sid's basement was similar in size and everything fit perfectly.

“What the fuck did you two do?” Whit hissed at Colby and Marc.

“Don’t blame me!” Colby exclaimed. I heard more footsteps and turned to see Max and Geno carrying more boxes down the stairs.

“Guys, quiet down unless you want Loralei to hear us,” Max scolded before seeing me.

“Too late, Max,” I told him, giving him a wave.

“Sid is going to kill us,” Geno said shaking his head.

“Someone explain this now,” I demanded not looking at anyone in particular.

“Sid knew you loved your game room so he wanted to bring it here so you’d have the stuff you loved from your house here. We were supposed to surprise you with it,” Marc explained. I smiled at them.

“You did everything this morning?” I asked shocked.

“No, we’ve been sneaking things in little by little every time you took your painkillers and passed out,” Jordan told me. Before I could respond I heard more footsteps coming down the stairs. Now who was here?

“Okay, guys, she’ll probably wake up soon so everyone needs to get out of here now,” I heard Sidney say as he reached the bottom of the stairs. I saw all the guys go pale.

“Busted,” I heard Whit say. Sid looked at him in confusion and then his eyes met mine. I saw his face get red.

“Who woke her up?” Sid asked obviously upset.

“Colby did!” Max exclaimed pointing a finger at him.

“Oh come on, I did not!” Colby protested throwing his hands in the air. Sid shook his head and walked over to me.

“I wanted it to be a surprise. I was going to throw you a surprise party in a few days to welcome you to the house now that you’re feeling better. The guys were supposed to keep quiet about it until then,” he explained glaring at each of them. I smiled at him and kissed him.

“Thank you,” I told him.

“I think it’s time to go,” Geno said and the guys followed him up the stairs. I laughed at them as they left.

It may not have been a surprise party but it was fun nonetheless. I guess the plan had been that the girls were going to take me to the spa for the day and when they brought me home they’d take me to the basement and it would be an exact replica of my game room. It was the thought that counted and I loved it.

The whole team showed up for the party and even Mario and Nathalie had stopped by. I’d only met them a couple of times before but I was glad that they were there. At some point in the night while I was sitting on the couch with Sid’s arm around my shoulders I looked around and took it all in.

A few people were playing pool while others had a game of bubble hockey going. Colby was playing bartender pretending to be Tom Cruise from Cocktail and failing miserably at it. Some of the guys had a game of poker going on at the pub table and others were playing video games on the TV. I saw Phoebe, Reagan, and Sheila mingling with the team and the girls and I smiled.
Somehow amidst the chaos that had been my life in the past year and a half I had found exactly where I should be. I glanced over at Sidney who was laughing at something Kris Letang had just said. In that moment I knew that there was no one else in this entire world for me. He looked over at me and I smiled and kissed him.

It wasn’t much longer after that when everyone began to file out. The party had lasted long enough that I’d had a great time, but not too long that my painkillers had any affect on it. They tended to make me drowsy and knock me out for hours at a time and I was glad that I hadn’t needed to deal with that at all. After saying goodbye to the last person I turned and wrapped my arms around Sidney’s neck.

“Thank you for this,” I told him.

“You’re welcome. It’s good to see you smiling again.” He leaned down and kissed me. I looked up into his eyes and knew that no matter what happened to me in my life, when I was in his arms things would always be okay again.

“Let’s go to bed,” I said to him and took his hand. He followed me up the stairs. When we walked in I turned back to him and kissed him hard. I bit my lip after and pulled him down to the bed with me, kissing him again.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked me pulling away and looking into my eyes.

“Shut up,” I told him. He obliged and put his lips to mine. He gently removed my shirt being careful not to hurt me and then undressed us both. Any fear I’d had about ever doing this again was quickly squashed the minute Sid’s lips were back on mine.

“Do you want me to grab your painkillers for you? It’s been a long time since you’ve had one,” Sid asked as I nestled into him later that night.

“I’m not feeling any pain right now,” I replied. He looked over at me and smiled. He put a finger under my chin and angled my face up towards his.

“I love you, Loralei Robinson,” he said. I smiled back.

“I love you, Sidney Crosby,” I returned. He kissed me one last time before we fell asleep in each others arms.

Chapter 25

So this will be the last update until next weekend since I'm braving the northeast weather to head home for Christmas. Hopefully everyone has a safe and wonderful holiday season! And thanks for all the comments, I'm glad everyone's enjoying the story. I've never been good at drawing anything out so there's only a few chapters left. I've already got a few ideas about my next story though so hopefully I can start writing that soon. Once again, happy holidays everyone!





I felt strange before I even opened my eyes. My head felt like it was spinning. I tried to open my eyes but it was really bright and I closed them again. What was happening to me? I tried opening my eyes again, slowly this time. Suddenly I felt someone touching my hand.

“Loralei?” a distant sounding voice asked. I was too confused to answer. I heard it again and slowly turned my head in the direction of the voice. A blur of colors that looked uniform began to separate into shapes. I made out the outline of someone sitting next to me but my eyes hadn’t adjusted well enough to see who it was. “How are you feeling?”

“Sidney?” I asked as I finally recognized the voice. His face came into focus and I saw him smiling down at me.

“You scared me last night, Lor.” What had I done last night?

“Where am I?”

“At the hospital. You just got out of surgery a couple hours ago.”

“Surgery? What surgery?” I suddenly got scared wondering what had happened.

“To repair the damage the bullet did.” The bullet? I had been shot? I struggled to remember what had happened. Before I could remember anything a nurse came in. She told me some things but I couldn’t comprehend what was going on. Why did my head feel like it was spinning?

“She’s still a little out of it. The drugs will wear off soon and she’ll understand more,” I heard her tell Sidney. He picked up my hand and kissed it, then smiled at me again. I saw his lips moving, but I didn’t hear what he said as my eyes closed and I fell back into darkness.

“Loralei, it’s okay! Calm down, babe, I’m right here,” I heard Sidney say as I jolted awake.

“Where am I?” I asked looking around.

“You’re in the hospital,” he responded. Then memories flooded my brain.

“What happened to the guy?” I asked panicked. My last memory of him was when he was shooting at me through the door.

“He’s dead. The police shot him.” I thought about the night before: the man holding the gun to my head, making Sidney leave, taking off my clothes, being shot, and falling off the roof. It didn’t seem possible. “Do you remember what happened?” I nodded.

Sidney squeezed my hand and ran his other hand through my hair. My head felt strange and I could feel a throbbing in my left side, although it didn’t hurt. I put a hand to my side and felt the bandages covering it. I really had been shot.

“I’m so sorry. I never should have left you like that. If I’d just given you a chance to explain, if I’d just stopped being so stubborn for a minute none of that would have happened. You should have been at my house all night or I should have been there to protect you,” I heard Sidney saying.

“He would have killed you,” I told him, turning to look at him. “How bad is the damage?”

“I’m not sure. The doctor said he’d be in to talk to you when you woke up.” I sat there with Sidney for another hour before the doctor came in to see me. He told me that the bullet had managed to somehow miss every organ in my body. I’d lost a lot of blood and had to undergo a transfusion. I also had a concussion and a few cracked ribs from the fall. All in all I had been pretty lucky. They said that they’d release me in a day or two if all went well.

“Thank you,” I said to Sidney after the doctor left.

“For what?”

“For coming back. I don’t know what would have happened to me if you hadn’t come back.” He leaned down and kissed me on the forehead.

“I don’t know what I would have done if I lost you,” he said with tears in his eyes.

“Oh, come on, don’t do that. You know how emotional I am, you’re going to make me cry!” He laughed and kissed me. “I hadn’t spoken to Thomas since August,” I blurted out. His smile faded.

“We don’t have to talk about this now,” he said.

“He called me the night we were at the sushi restaurant last year when you took me on a date even though I told you not to. There was no emergency at the clinic. I left to talk to him.” I saw a flash of anger in Sidney’s eyes but knew that he needed to know it all. “I already told you he cheated on me in college. When I went to see him he told me that he still loved me, and if I’d given him the chance he would have picked me over her.”

“And you picked Vanek over me.” I took a deep breath before continuing.

“He was my first love and I barely knew you. I’d spent years hoping to hear him tell me that he was still in love with me, and there he was saying just that. He said that he wanted to work things out and I believed him. Once a month I flew to Buffalo to spend the weekend with him. He told me he’d ended things with her and I believed him. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t even tell my friends and family. I lied to everyone. When they lost in the playoffs he told me he was flying home to Austria for the summer and I didn’t see or talk to him. When I did see him in August I found out he’d never left her, he’d just been lying to me the whole time. At that point I was too upset at myself to tell you. I don’t like to admit when I’m an idiot.”

“You still picked Vanek over me. He treated you like shit and I treated you like a queen and you chose him over me.”

“I’m an idiot. I don’t have a good explanation for why I did. Hell, I don’t have an explanation at all except that I’m an idiot. Sid, I promise you that things were over with him way before we started dating.”

“What about that whole not dating hockey players excuse you gave me?”

“That wasn’t a lie. Like I said, my father always told me not to. When I ignored him and started dating Thomas he wasn’t happy. When Thomas cheated on me it proved him right. It wasn’t right that I assumed the rest of you were like that, because you’re not. I went back because some part of me still loved him. Even so I can honestly say that whatever I had with him pales in comparison to what I feel with you,” I told him. He squeezed my hand a little harder.

“What do you feel?” he asked nervously.

“When he cheated on me I was upset for a week or two. When that whole thing with Gwen happened I was out of commission up until the day we talked and there was no sign that I was going to feel better any time soon. There is no one in this world that could ever make me feel the way you do. The only thing I could think of last night was you. I wondered if I’d ever see you again and decided that if I couldn’t have you I didn’t want to live. You’re it. I lost you once and I’ll do anything to keep from letting that happen again. It was the thought of you that saved my life I think.” He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. Just then the door opened and my parents walked in.

“Loralei, honey, are you okay?” my mother cried running over to my side. Sidney got up from the chair and stepped back to give them room.

“I’m fine, mom, don’t worry.”

“I’m going to get something to drink. I’ll come back in a little while,” Sidney said to us.

“Thank you,” my father replied. Sid left the room. “You two looked like you were more than friends before we came in here,” he said turning his attention onto me.

“Larry, stop it,” my mother scolded him.

“Dad, I don’t care. He’s a good person. He’s not quite the jerk you’re expecting him to be. All you have to do is spend a little bit of time with him to see it. I love him,” I said defending him.

“Pumpkin, I knew that the day I saw him at your house.” He smiled down at me and I knew that everything was going to be okay. When Sidney came back the four of us sat around and talked. I swallowed hard when I saw two men in suits come walking into the room.

“Hi, sorry to bother you. I’m detective Harrison and this is detective Jackson. We just need to ask you a few questions and then we’ll be out of your way. It won’t take long,” one of them said.

“You have to do that now?” my mom asked.

“Mom, it’s okay. Why don’t you guys go get something to eat? I’ll be fine.” Reluctantly the three of them left the room leaving me with the two detectives.

“Did you know the man that was in your house last night?” Detective Jackson asked. I shook my head no. “His name was Isaiah Kingston. Does that sound familiar to you?” I thought for a moment and didn’t recognize the name. I shook my head no again.

“Why don’t you tell us what happened?” Detective Harrison asked. I told them everything I could remember.

“Do people need to know the whole thing?” I asked when I was done.

“We have to report back to our lieutenant, yes,” Detective Jackson responded. “Why?”

“Can we keep some of that from becoming public knowledge? I don’t want my family and friends to know what happened. Please,” I begged.

“We can do that for you,” Detective Harrison said understanding what I meant. I thanked them and they left after saying they’d be in touch if there was anything else they needed. My parents and Sidney came back in and I pushed the memory out of my mind.

The next day the doctor told me that I could go home. My mom pleaded with me to let her stay with me because I “shouldn’t be alone.” Sidney assured them that he’d stay with me and I insisted that they go home. They finally agreed saying they’d call later to see how I was doing. Then Sidney took me back to his place. I couldn’t go home yet while the police were still investigating so Sidney had me stay with him for a few days.

I spent my time lying in bed watching TV all day. It was hardly my ideal break from work, but the painkillers practically knocked me out making it impossible to do anything else. Not to mention that I was seriously sore and even laughing hurt. Sidney waited on me hand and foot renting me movies and bringing me food. The food almost always came from a restaurant since he still couldn’t cook and I wasn’t able to do it for him.

After a few days I was allowed back into my house. When Sidney pulled into the driveway my breath caught in my throat. All the fear from that night came charging back into my brain and I didn’t even want to get out of the car. When I opened the door I felt sick and I wasn’t sure if it was from the painkillers or the emotions. I finally got up the courage to walk into the house, with Sid’s help of course.

I felt like I could see the man standing at the top of the stairs waiting for me as I slowly made my way up them. I froze when I reached the doorway to the guest bedroom. I looked in it and could see everything that had happened in there all over again. I grabbed the doorknob and shut the door determined to never look into the room again. I walked down and did the same with the office. I wasn’t sure how I was going to get anything I may need out of them, but I’d figure it out later.

I got into bed in my room and fell asleep. My sleep was plagued with nightmares about my ordeal and I decided to give up on sleeping. I turned on the TV and found a comedy on that I was hoping would make me feel better, but it didn’t. Sidney brought home dinner from our favorite Italian restaurant but I could hardly make myself eat.

“How are you feeling?” he asked me later getting into bed next to me.

“Better,” I lied.

He smiled and kissed me. Based on the kiss he gave me, I could tell he wanted more even though he was holding back because of my stitches. Just the thought made me sick and I pushed him away. He gave me a confused look and I sighed.

“Sorry, I’m just really sore,” I told him.

“You just took the painkillers half an hour ago,” he said confused.

“I’m sorry, I just can’t,” I told him as if it he would understand. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be okay again.

“Loralei, what’s wrong?” I didn’t know how to answer him so I stayed quiet. “You’ve been acting strange since you got here.” I still wouldn’t answer him. “I understand why you closed the door to the office, but why the guest room?” he asked. Sometimes I wished he was your typical dumb hockey player. I turned away from him as the tears came along with the memory of what that man had done to me in there. “Oh, God, Loralei,” he said finally putting it all together.

I couldn’t keep the tears back anymore and I began to sob. He put an arm around me and pulled me into him. I buried my head in his chest as he held onto me tightly as if I’d fall apart if he didn’t. When I finally started to calm down he pulled away from me and walked into my closet.

“What are you doing?” I asked when he didn’t come out for a few minutes. He finally emerged holding a suitcase full of clothes. He started opening my drawers and throwing more clothes in.

“Packing some clothes for you.” I was still confused.

“Why are you packing my clothes?”

“Well, you’re going to need them when you leave,” he replied as if that explained anything.

“Where am I going?” I asked still not understanding what he was doing. He walked into the bathroom emerging a few minutes later with all of my shower products, my toothbrush and toothpaste and other things he’d randomly grabbed. He put them down and sat down next to me on the bed.

“You can’t live here. I never should have even let you come back in. I saw how you were outside before you came in and I should have known better. Move in with me.” I stared at him wide-eyed. We’d obviously spent the night with each other many times, but live together?

“Sid, I don’t know. I don’t want to force you into asking me just because you feel bad.”

“You’re not forcing anything. I love you, Loralei. I want you with me all the time. I always have. If you live with me you’ll always be there and you can always know that I’ll never let anything happen to you ever again. Move in with me.”

For the first time in days I felt myself smiling. He smiled back and wiped away the tears on my face. Then he wrapped his arms around me and held me for what felt like forever. I followed him down to his car as he carried down what he’d packed. We drove to his house and got into bed there. He held onto me the rest of the night. I was grateful that he didn’t ask me about what happened or push me to explain any of it. It was a night I never wanted to think of again.

Chapter 24

“Take whatever you want, just please don’t hurt me,” I begged. He looked at me for a minute.

“Turn the light on,” he ordered. I turned and flipped on the closet light. I looked back at him wondering what he would want me to do next. “You’re a beautiful girl. Maybe we can arrange something,” he said running his hand through my hair. I closed my eyes and swallowed. This couldn’t be happening to me right now.

“The money’s in the dresser in the top drawer. I have all my jewelry here in the closet,” I told him. He laughed.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get it all. I just think there’s something else I want at the moment.” I felt like I was going to be sick as he looked me up and down.

“Loralei?” I heard Sidney call from downstairs. I hadn’t even heard his car or the door open.

“Get rid of him,” the man ordered. I started to walk out of the room. “I’ll be listening and watching. If you say anything about me or try to leave, I’ll kill you both.”

He cocked the gun to show me that he’d really do it. I turned and walked out of the room and down the stairs. Sidney was standing at the bottom of them waiting for me. I walked past him and walked into the hallway where I had a table with a pad of paper and a pen on it. It was just out of the guy’s sightline.

“You can’t just walk in here whenever you want,” I said doing my best to sound angry and act like nothing was happening. I heard my voice shaking.

“You were right. I never give you a chance to explain so I came back to give you that chance.” I wrote a quick note as I kept talking.

“I’m sorry, I’m sick of this. Maybe the age thing is just too much. I expect more out of you than I should. Maybe you’re just not old enough or mature enough to handle a relationship right now.”

“What are you saying? Lor, let’s talk this out.” I quietly ripped the note off the pad and folded it into a tiny square.

“I’m sorry. I just can’t do this anymore. We’re not working out.” I walked past him to the front door. “I think you should leave now.” He looked hurt and stunned but I had to do whatever I could to make sure he was safe.

“Babe, please. Give me a chance here. I’m doing my best. Don’t leave it like this.” I fought back the tears that were threatening to start falling down my face and opened the door. Then I grabbed his hand slipping him the note and pushed him through the door onto the front porch.

“Get out.” With those words I shut the door in his face. Please read the note, Sid, please. I turned and saw the man step out of the shadows at the top of the stairs.

“Okay, let’s finish this.”

Reluctantly I walked up the stairs. He put the gun to my back and pushed me towards the bedroom. Instead of going into my bedroom I walked into a guest room. If this was going to happen I didn’t want to hate my bedroom for the rest of my life. He followed me in.

“What do you want me to do?” I asked.

“We’ll start with you taking that shirt off,” he answered.





Sidney stood looking at the door for a minute in shock. Had she just broken up with him? He couldn’t believe this was happening. Hadn’t she been the one that wanted to talk? Now she was the one not giving him a chance. He turned off the porch and walked back to his car. He got in and threw the piece of paper she’d put in his hand in the cup holder. He started the car and backed out of the driveway. He started down the street but stopped and pulled over. Why had she given him that piece of paper? He unfolded it and read what she’d written.

Guy with gun upstairs. Call the police.

His heart stopped as he reread it. Then he grabbed his phone and did what she asked him to do.





“I said take your shirt off,” the man said holding the gun up at me. The tears fell as I shakily removed my sweater. Why was this happening to me? He pulled his ski mask off to reveal a 40-something balding man. He looked at me appreciatively. “Now the pants.”

“Do I really have to do this?” I asked. I wanted to waste as much time as possible hoping Sidney had called the police.

“Shut up and take them off!” he yelled taking a step closer, the gun pointed at my face. I pulled my pants off. He walked over to me then and started groping me. I just stood there and let him do what he wanted. I was still hoping I would make it out of this alive. “On the bed,” he demanded.

I did what he asked and laid down on the bed. He put the gun down at the end of the bed out of my reach. Then he pulled my panties and bra off leaving me laying there naked. My body shook with sobs as I watched him pull his pants down.

“Please don’t do this,” I pleaded as he moved over me. He grabbed me by the throat, choking me.

“Open your mouth again and I’ll snap your neck.” I shut my mouth and my eyes and clenched my fists as I felt him invade me. I thought of Sidney and wondered if I’d ever see him again, if I’d ever be able to tell him that I didn’t mean any of what I had said to him. That’s when I heard the sirens. I felt his body stiffen and I knew he heard them too. The sirens got louder and I heard cars pulling up in front of my house. “What the fuck?” the man yelled getting up and running to the window buttoning up his pants, bringing the gun with him.

I took the chance and jumped out of bed. I ran out of the room before he had time to realize what was going on. I ran into the room I used as an office, shutting the door behind me. I locked it and grabbed a bathrobe out of the closet. I didn’t know what I was going to do now. I heard the man cursing at me and pounding on the door.

I looked at the window and knew it was my only chance. I ran over and opened it, getting hit with a blast of the cold February wind. I hesitated before I stepped out onto the roof. There had just been a snowstorm and my roof was covered. It was slanted and it was going to be slippery. It didn’t help that I was afraid of heights. I hesitated and thought of Sidney again. I knew if I wanted to see him or any of my family and friends again I’d have to go out that window.

As I stood there trying to get up the courage to do it there was a gunshot. I turned and saw the man had shot a hold in the door. I had no idea where the bullet had gone and knew I had to get out. As I was stepping out onto the roof I heard another gunshot followed by a searing pain in my left side. I saw the robe turning red quickly. I ignored the pain mostly due to adrenaline and stepped out onto the roof almost sliding down. The snow was cold and my feet were already getting numb. I closed the window behind me and made my way as far from the window as I dared hearing another gunshot. Then I huddled there hoping that the police found the man before he found me.

I sat on the roof shivering from the cold. I looked at the blood that had soaked through the robe. The snow around me was quickly turning red. I feared that the bullet had hit an artery and I was in danger of bleeding to death or that it had hit an organ. I could no longer feel my feet and I was quickly losing feeling in my legs altogether. I started to feel lightheaded and I knew I needed to find a way to stop the bleeding. Then again, if I had really lost Sid I didn’t want to survive this. I’d lost him once and I couldn’t bear to lose him again.

I heard a commotion in my house. Then I heard someone break through the door. I didn’t make a sound afraid the man was running into the room to try to find me before the police did. I could hear shouting but I couldn’t hear what was being said. I closed my eyes and pictured Sidney and imagined that his arms were around me and everything was okay.





Sidney stood on the street being held back by the police as they moved toward the house. He was terrified of what had happened or was happening to Loralei. He tried not to think about it, but every bad case scenario ran through his head. His eyes filled with tears. He was scared he was going to lose her tonight. He tried to stay positive as the police mobilized. He saw some head to the backyard to block off all the exits.

He couldn’t believe that this was happening. He should have known something was wrong when Loralei was kicking him out. She hadn’t been acting right and he should never have let her kick him out. He knew Loralei wouldn’t break up with him over something so trivial without as much as a conversation. He knew her better than that. How could he be so stupid? He never should have reacted the way he had without hearing what she had to say. If he’d let her explain they would probably have gone to his place together and this wouldn’t be happening. Then he heard the first gunshot.

The police rushed forward, pushing into the house. Sidney couldn’t breathe. He heard the second and third gunshots and he felt like his heart stopped. Not Loralei. Please don’t let Loralei be dead. He hated that there was nothing that he could do. All he could do was wait. He felt nauseous. He heard more gunshots after the police had entered the house and he couldn’t help but feel that something had gone horribly wrong. As much as he fought it the thought that he wasn’t going to see Loralei alive ever again bombarded his brain. Police began exiting the house and paramedics rushed in. It was a disheartening sight.

“After we shot him we got into the room he had the woman trapped in. There was blood everywhere,” Sidney overheard one of the officers say solemnly. The tears that were threatening to spilled down his face. Oh, God, the guy had killed her. He fell to the ground as he tried to catch his breath. This could not be happening to him. How had he found the woman he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with just to have her taken away like that?





As the commotion died down I started to wonder what was going on. I felt nauseous and lightheaded from the loss of blood. I knew if I didn’t do something soon I was either going to bleed to death or get hypothermia. It had been below freezing before I went to the game. I couldn’t imagine what it had dropped down to by now.

As I huddled there on the roof I wondered what Sidney was doing. He’d obviously called the police but was he still here waiting to see if I was okay or had he gone home? When he’d come back to talk was he going to forgive me or was he going to tell me it was over? I began to struggle to stay conscious but focused on Sidney. If I really focused maybe I wouldn’t pass out.

I realized I had two options. I could stay out on the roof and hope someone found me before I bled out or I could try to get back inside. I decided to take the chance and try to get back inside. At the very least I could hopefully find something to stop the bleeding. Then I could find Sidney, I could try to explain. I stood up but I was so weak and my legs were so frozen that they didn’t support my weight. I began to slip off the roof. I thought of Sidney as I felt myself falling through the air.

Chapter 23

“Where are we going?” I asked when Sidney picked me up.

He hadn’t told me and he said it was going to be a surprise. He just laughed and held open the car door for me. I got in and he shut it. He’d told me to dress comfortably and wear socks. I had to admit, I was a little nervous. He didn’t say a word the entire car ride. It wasn’t until we pulled into the parking lot that I started to figure it out.

“You’re taking me ice skating?” I got out of the car and we walked into the Penguins practice facility.

“Sort of. You can skate, right?” I looked at him like he was stupid.

“Do you remember who my father is?” He laughed in response.

“Well, I thought I’d see how well he taught you hockey.”

We walked inside and the place was empty except for a few of the staff. Sidney explained that there was an open skate there for the public in an hour but until then the place was closed and they’d let him come in. We put on skates and he grabbed a couple of sticks, some gloves, and a puck and we went out onto the ice. He dropped the puck at center ice and backed up.

“So, what exactly do you expect me to do?” I asked him.

“How about a little one-on-one?” he responded.

“Oh yeah, that’s fair.”

He skated into what he made his defensive zone and left me standing at center ice with the puck. I skated a few circles before picking up the puck. I decided to keep it simple and see how seriously he was going to take me. I skated right at him and only made a slight move to attempt to get around him. He easily poked the puck off my stick and then gave me a disappointed look.

“If that’s the best you got, he didn’t teach you very well.”

“Keep in mind he was a defenseman. I always appreciated the defensive side of the game more than the offensive.” I brought the puck back to center ice. Sidney set up and I couldn’t help but laugh at how serious he looked.

“What?” he asked throwing his hands up.

“You look so cute with that serious look on your face.”

He rolled his eyes and set up again. I picked up the puck and this time skated out wide to Sidney’s right. He followed keeping himself between me and the net. As I got close to him I did a 180 on one foot and headed in the other direction leaving him behind. I easily put the puck in the net and lifted my hands in celebration.

“Where the hell did that come from?” he asked in shock.

“My mom insisted I learn how to figure skate since I was a girl. My dad taught me the game. The result was me figure skating in hockey skates.” He laughed and set the puck up at center ice for himself.

“You claim to be so defensive minded so let’s see how good you are at it.”

I skated back giving him some room. He took a minute and then skated at me. He immediately tried to start showing off his stick handling ability. Instead of skating back and letting him get closer I went right at him and poked the puck off his stick. I chased it down, skated into the offensive zone and put it in the net.

“That would be 2-0 girlfriend over superstar,” I chirped at him skating back.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m going easy on you,” he responded.

“Don’t.”

I put the puck back on the faceoff dot and skated back into my defensive zone. We did this again and again until the score was 9-9. It was my turn with the puck. I looked down trying to figure out what I was going to do. Then I began to skate at him. I tried to make a move around him but he knocked the puck off my stick. He gained control and skated down the other way. I turned and skated after him as hard as I could. He held onto the puck just a second too long and I lifted his stick just as he was about to shoot and picked it back up. I sprinted down towards the other end and just after crossing the red line I shot the puck into the net.

“I win!” I shouted down at Sidney who had finally caught up.

“No way, you’ve gotta win by two!” he argued.

“No, you said first to 10 goals. There was nothing about needing to win by two when we started.”

“You always have to win by two in everything!”

“You’re just bitter because you lost to a girl and you’re supposed to be ‘the next one,’” I said joking around. The smirk on his face told me that he knew it. He threw his gloves down on the ice.

“Alright, let’s go.” I laughed at him as he put his fists up. He didn’t move.

“Fine.” I dropped my stick and took off my first glove, throwing it to the ice. Then I took off the second one. Instead of dropping it to the ice I threw it at him and hit him in the face, catching him off guard. “You’re a sore loser, Crosby.”

I began skating away and too late I heard him coming up behind me. I felt his arms wrap around me and my feet leave the ice. I squealed with laughter and struggled to get out of his grasp. He spun me around when he put me down and proceeded to try to knock me to the ice. I managed to get out of his grasp and skate away. He began to come at me again and I lowered a shoulder knocking him back but he grabbed onto me and pulled me down with him. We were both laughing as he got up and then turned to help me.

“You hit like a girl,” he said between laughs. I raised an eyebrow at him.

“You realize that I am a girl, right?” He wrapped his arms around me.

“And a beautiful one at that.”

I smiled at him and we began to kiss. Suddenly we heard clapping and cheering coming from the other end of the ice. We turned to look and saw about a dozen people standing there with kids. When I looked up at the clock I saw that the public skate was minutes from starting. We both covered our faces in embarrassment and laughed again. We skated off the ice where he good-naturedly signed autographs for the early arrivers. We put back the equipment and got back into his car deciding to stop at our favorite Italian place for dinner. We laughed about what had just happened over pasta and a glass of wine.

“So, is there anything else you’ve been keeping from me that you want to get out now? Have you been married? Did you used to be a man?” Sid asked kidding around.

“Well, I did get breast implants,” I told him. His eyes opened wide in shock.

“What?!” I laughed at him.

“Oh please. Don’t you think if I’d actually done that they’d be a lot bigger?”

“I think they’re perfect,” he responded relaxing back into his chair.

“Thank you,” I said laughing. We finished up dinner and began to drive home.

“So, you’re place or mine?” he asked looking over at me.

“What makes you think we’re going to the same place?”

“Lor, I have to see if you were lying about the breast implant thing,” he said as seriously as he could. I laughed at him again.

“Your place,” I said.





I rushed home from work the next day afraid that I was going to be late to the game. I called for a cab as I changed my clothes. There was no time for a shower so instead I did the best I could with my hair after having it pulled back all day. I had just finished my makeup when I heard the car horn. I grabbed my purse and the ticket off the table and rushed out the door. On the way I realized I didn’t even know who the Pens were playing tonight. I pulled out my ticket and checked.

My heart practically stopped when I saw that they were playing the Buffalo Sabres. I should have paid more attention. I had been hoping for a chance to talk to Sidney before I went to a game between the two teams. Sidney knew that there had been a Thomas, but not that it was Thomas Vanek. Maybe it would be okay. Thomas didn’t know about Sidney and me so there shouldn’t be a problem. It wasn’t like I had talked to Thomas since I’d found out he was still with Ashley. I felt better keeping that in mind.





It was a hard fought game. There was lingering bad blood between the Sabres and the Penguins from the previous season’s playoff matchup. It had been a physical game since the start and emotions were running high. The game was tied 1-1 in the second period and Sidney was fighting through a sore shoulder from a hit he’d taken in the first from Paul Gaustad. He knew it wasn’t serious, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt.

His line was up and he jumped out on the ice for his shift. They collected the puck behind their net and started the breakout. Sidney skated into the zone and positioned himself near the net. A shot came from the point and he got his stick on it, deflecting it up high. Ryan Miller got a piece of it, but the rebound dropped to the ice in front of him. Sidney took a whack at it along with a few other sticks belonging to both Pens and Sabres. Soon there was a pile of players on the ice with Sidney right in the middle. The whistle blew, but players were still shoving each other around.

“You like having my seconds, Crosby?” he heard come from behind him as he got up. He turned and saw Thomas Vanek standing there sneering at him.

“What are you talking about?” he asked getting in Vanek’s face.

“Loralei. You like fucking my seconds?” Sidney was shocked. He couldn’t even think of anything to say. What was he talking about? “Yeah, she used to love me. Couldn’t get enough of it, ya know? The little slut kept coming back for more. She flew up to Buffalo once a month last season for it. In fact she came back even through the summer. I wouldn’t be surprised if she showed up at my hotel room tonight for another good fuck.”

Instead of responding Sidney threw a punch that landed square on Vanek’s nose. Vanek dropped to the ice grabbing at his face. The linesmen skated over getting between them, but that didn’t stop Sidney. He threw another couple of punches before he was pulled off. Vanek got up with a bloody nose, but he was laughing.

“Keep an eye on your girl, Crosby. You might want to make sure you know where she is tonight,” he called skating towards the bench. Sidney was steaming as he was escorted to the penalty box after yelling out a “Fuck you” to Vanek. They gave him two for roughing and two for unsportsmanlike conduct.

He had a lot of time to sit there and think about what Vanek said. He was the Thomas she’d mentioned that day in the park? Once a month she flew up to Buffalo to sleep with him last season? She’d been sleeping with Vanek through the summer? Things suddenly made sense. No wonder she freaked on him when he kissed her last year. It was because she was sleeping with Vanek, the asshole that had already cheated on her. She chose that asshole over him? What the hell happened to being too afraid to date a hockey player because of what her father used to tell her? He’d had just about enough of her lies.





The game started to get rough. The hits were picking up and battles for the puck were intensifying. I could tell Sidney’s shoulder was bothering him. I’d seen him wince after the hit Gaustad had put on him in the first period. I’d have to make sure to take care of him tonight. Sid came out for a shift and had a great chance on a deflection. The rebound was there and there was a scramble with players falling to the ice in the crease. I always got nervous when that happened hoping that he’d get up and be okay. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding when he got up to skate back to the bench.

That’s when I saw him stop and turn around skating up into someone’s face. Then I realized that that someone was Thomas. Thomas said a few things and next thing I knew Sidney had suckered him, knocking Thomas to the ice. Before the linesman could stop him Sidney had jumped over him and thrown a few more punches. Thomas was still yelling at him as the refs pulled Sidney to the box giving him four minutes. My heart sank. Sidney didn’t react like that on the ice very often. I became very worried about what Thomas had been saying.

The Pens lost the game in overtime 2-1. I was almost afraid to go downstairs and wait for Sidney. I kept telling myself there was no way Thomas knew about Sidney and I, but after what I saw I wasn’t so sure. They’d gone at each other a couple more times in the third period and I was very worried. I was waiting in the wives’ room when I got a phone call. I walked out into the hallway and answered Nancy’s call. She told me that one of the cats that had come in that we were keeping overnight for observation had died. I hung up and was about to go back in the room when I heard my name.

“Loralei! Hey, hold on a minute!” I turned slowly recognizing the voice. This was not what I needed right now.

“Thomas, hi.”

“How have you been?” he asked. I instinctively took a step back from him.

“Fine. You?” I asked, trying to be polite.

“Great. Look, I just wanted to apologize for what I did to you.” Yeah, you look sorry, I thought.

“It was only the second time. I should have known better.”

“Yeah, I know. I shouldn’t have treated you like that. Oh, I saw you and Crosby at the practice facility yesterday. I was working on some new sticks.” My heart started pounding when I heard that he knew.

“You what?”

“I feel like I should apologize to you about something else. I said some things to him on the ice tonight trying to get under his skin. I probably shouldn’t have said them but I got overemotional and was just trying to provoke him into taking a penalty. He has a hell of a punch, by the way.” That was exactly what I was hoping not to hear.

“What did you say to him?” I asked panicked. Sidney was going to hate me.

“There’s no reason to get into it again.” I saw him look past me and nod his head. “Hey, I’ve got to get going. Hopefully you’ll have forgiven me enough to talk to me again soon.”

Before I knew what was happening he had his arms around me, giving me a hug. Before he let go he gave me a kiss on the cheek. Then he turned and walked out. I stared after him for a moment holding back tears. I took a deep breath and turned to go back into the wives’ room to wait for Sidney. Before I even took a step I saw Sidney standing there glaring at me. He must have seen the hug and the kiss. That combined with whatever Thomas had said to him on the ice had upset him.

“Are you ready to go?” he snapped at me. Without waiting for a response he turned and began walking to his car. I practically had to run to keep up with him.

“Sid, wait. Please, slow down. Stop!” I yelled finally catching up and grabbing his arm. He stopped and turned to look at me.

“I have nothing to say to you right now. The only reason I’m even bringing you home is because I’d feel bad stranding you here.” With that he turned and continued walking. I followed him in silence. He unlocked the car and I got in. He didn’t even stop to give autographs to the fans waiting outside. He just tore out of the parking lot and headed home.

“Sid, I can explain things if you’ll just let me,” I finally said as we were pulling into the neighborhood. He turned up the radio in response and pulled into my driveway. I opened the door and got out, but turned to look at him before I shut the door. “Oh, yeah, that’s mature. Fine, don’t let me explain. You never give me a chance to explain anything before you get angry at me. This is just like last time. I guess I’ll go inside and lie awake crying all night like last time. I’m sure when I go to talk to you in the morning another slut will be answering your door too, just like before.”

I slammed the door and walked into my house. The last comment was uncalled for, but I had feelings too. I heard his car back out and drive away. I walked straight upstairs to my room to get ready for bed. I wasn’t going to cry this time. I wasn’t going to cry. I walked over to my closet door and opened it up. I was about to hit the light switch when I heard a voice.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” a man’s voice said from behind me. I spun around to see a guy in a ski mask standing behind me. He was holding a gun in my face. “Bad timing. I only came here to steal your stuff while you were gone. I guess my plans are changing now.”

Chapter 22

Days seemed to fly by after that. Things were back to normal with Sid and me. We fell back into our normal routine like nothing had ever happened. When I went to my first game after that day the girls were excited to see me. They’d already heard that Sid and I were back together and told me they were glad we’d worked everything out.

“Muffin, you’re back!” Colby exclaimed while running over to give me a bear hug when he came down to pick up Mel after the game.

“Sweetie, I think you broke one of my ribs,” I said laughing and he let go of me.

“I’m not kidding about how happy I am to have you back. Sid was being a real piece of shit. He even had me depressed,” he told me. I put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t worry, things will be okay for you now,” I said sarcastically. He grinned and walked over to greet Mel.

“Oh, you knew I was here,” she joked when he kissed her on the forehead.

“You don’t call, you don’t write,” Ryan said walking into the room and giving me a hug.

“Sorry, Ry. I’ll make sure to keep in touch from now on.” Max was the next one in the room.

“I’m really sorry about what happened. If I hadn’t been stupid enough to introduce that girl to Sid none of that would have ever happened. I’m so sorry,” he said.

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault. You didn’t know all of that was going to happen. Next time we fight though, hold off on bringing girls around,” I told him sarcastically. He smiled back at me.

“No, you can’t ever fight again! I can’t take another fight!” Colby called from the other side of the room. I rolled my eyes at him and laughed. It was good to be back.

The Penguins left to go on the road for the next few days. On the night they came back I wanted to do something special so I ran out on a few errands on my lunch break. I didn’t have time to get home so I stashed the bags in the car and went back to work. After the office closed I walked out to the car with Nancy and Violet. They were trying to convince me to go out for a couple of drinks. I was trying to bow out of it, but they weren’t having it.

“Come on. Just come for a couple of drinks. You’ll still be home in time to watch Sidney’s game, I promise,” Nancy begged.

“What makes you think that’s why I’m saying no?” I asked. They stopped walking, looked at each other, and burst out laughing. “What’s so funny?”

“Honey, you haven’t been able to keep that smile off your face since you two made up. You’re absolutely in love and with both of us being married, we can see the symptoms,” Violet said. I rolled my eyes at them and opened the back door to put down the files I was taking home. When I heard the peals of laughter behind me I turned around confused.

“Now what’s funny?” I asked them, glaring. Nancy pointed to my backseat.

“Special evening planned when he gets home?” she asked. I looked in my car and my face turned bright red. The bag with the lingerie I’d bought had tipped over and the lingerie was laying out in plain view.

“That’s great. I wonder how many people have seen that this afternoon.” Just then Dr. Markham walked over and I dove into the car trying to cover it up.

“Have a good evening, ladies,” he said, tipping his hat and continuing on to his car. This caused Nancy and Violet to laugh again.

“Okay, fine, I’ll go for drinks. But I’m only going for a little bit. I have things to do tonight, as I’m sure you can tell.”

I got in my car and followed them to a sports bar. I ended up staying later than I planned when I saw that they had the Penguins game on their big screen. By the time I left I was sure that Nancy and Violet would never invite me out when the Penguins were playing again. I was pretty vocal watching the first period and when Sid took a high stick to the face from Riley Cote I got really loud. I knew that I’d embarrassed them, which was hard considering how loud the two of them can be.

I made it home in time for the start of the second period and finished watching the game. The Pens lost 3-2 to the Flyers. Great, what kind of mood is he going to be in when he gets home? I sat around waiting for his call to find out if I should even bother with the plans. He finally called almost an hour after the game. He definitely wasn’t happy.

“Hey, babe. Sorry it took me so long to call, but I didn’t want to be an asshole to you so I needed some time to calm down after the game,” he told me. He still sounded angry.

“That’s okay, it was a tough game. I could have killed Cote though. The guy’s just a goon.” He laughed. Maybe he wasn’t as angry as I thought.

“I can always count on you to have my back.” I decided to still go ahead with the plan tonight.

“Come here when you get home. I’ll try to cheer you up some.” He agreed to come by. We talked for a few more minutes before he hung up. I started to get ready for when he would get home.

I finished up doing everything I needed to. Now I just had to wait. I knew that Sidney would be here anytime. I didn’t have to wait long. I heard his car pull into the driveway and got ready. I had sent him a message already telling him to just come in, because I’d probably be asleep. Obviously that was a lie, but I wanted it all to be a surprise. I heard the door open and then close. Hopefully he’d like the surprise.





He pulled into the driveway glad to be back. It had only been three days but he couldn’t wait to hold Loralei again. He was glad she’d asked him to just go over there when he got home. She’d also told him she’d probably be sleeping so he’d just have to wake her up. He walked into the house and put his stuff down in the foyer. When he looked up he noticed that there was a flickering light coming from the hallway leading to the stairs. Had she forgotten to blow out a candle before she went to bed?

He walked around the corner and froze in place, his jaw dropping. Loralei was standing on the stairs surrounded by candles and she was wearing what he thought must be quite possibly the sexiest thing ever made. It was black, lacy, and almost completely see-through. She had on a pair of very tall red heels. She had her hair done in loose curls and her lips were as red as the heels. The candlelight just added to the scene in front of him.

“Sorry about the game tonight,” she said to him. It took him a minute to form words.

“What game?” he asked. She smiled that sexy smile of hers and motioned for him to come to her. As he walked to her she bit her lower lip and he thought he was going to lose his mind. When he got up to her he gave her another onceover. “Have I told you how beautiful you are?”

“Not today,” she responded while taking his shirt off. Then she ran her hands over his chest and he thought he was going to explode. He reached out to touch her, but she pushed his hands away. Then she kissed him, lightly at first. The kiss quickly became harder and deeper until he thought he was just going to take her right there on the stairs. Just as he was about to throw her down she pulled away from him.

“Babe, I’m going to be honest, you’re torturing me here,” he said, breathless.

“That’s the point. You like?”

“I love.” She took his hand and began to lead him up the stairs.

“Wait until we get to the bedroom.” Somehow he thought that tonight would be the best night of his life.

Chapter 21

I looked at the clock and willed the hour hand to move back so it wasn’t 1:00 yet. In fact I wanted it to move back a few hours. I had no such luck and grabbed my jacket. Despite the cold I walked to the deli instead of driving. Walking gave me time to prepare for my meeting with Sidney. As I got closer I saw Sidney’s Range Rover in the parking lot and I stopped for a minute. Could I really do this?

He’d wanted to talk and I didn’t know what about exactly. I assumed he was going to apologize for Barbie. Even so, did I really want to hear it? I didn’t want to hear about him being angry and turning off his phone so I couldn’t reach him. I didn’t want to hear about him going to some bar or something and picking up the trashiest looking girl there. I didn’t want to hear about him taking her home. I started walking again knowing that if I didn’t do it now, he’d find a way to do it later.

“Hey,” he said softly when I walked through the door into the deli. He looked good. No, make that fantastic. I could already feel the tears threatening to fall from my eyes.

“I’m not really hungry. Can we just walk?” I asked.

“Sure,” he said and followed me outside. We walked for a minute towards the park down the street in silence. “I’m sorry. God, Loralei, I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you,” I said to him. I glanced over at him and saw that he was staring down at his feet as we walked, much like I was doing.

“I don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t thinking at all. I didn’t even want to go to the bar that night. I just drank way too much and I honestly don’t know how that happened. The whole night is a blur and I don’t remember the end of it. I don’t know how we got to my house, and I don’t know what happened. It’s no excuse, I never should have put myself into that position and I will forever be kicking myself for that.”

I felt the hot tears streak over my cold face. Somehow the fact that he didn’t remember doing it made everything worse. If he was going to sleep with somebody else, I would at least hope it was memorable. There was another silence between us and I didn’t know if he was going to continue or if he expected me to say something. I started shaking and I wasn't sure if it was because of my emotions or the cold.

“I can’t even begin to explain how hurt I was when I saw that girl standing at your door,” I choked out. I didn’t look over at him. I couldn’t.

“Maybe it’s similar to how hurt I was when you said you’d never date a hockey player two weeks after you told me you’d give me a chance.” There it was. It was out there now and it was my turn to try to explain.

“I didn’t mean it. My dad has this thing. Maybe if you’d answered your phone at some point during the day we could have talked about it and avoided this whole situation,” I accused. He wasn’t going to blame any of this on me. I didn’t force him into bed with another girl, he did that on his own. We continued to walk in awkward silence.

“Sidney?” a high pitched female voice called from behind us. Well, speak of the devil, I thought when I turned and saw the same girl we were just talking about coming up to us. I felt myself getting angry at the sight of her. Had Sidney asked her to come to help him apologize? Like anything she said would make me feel better.

“Gwen?” Sidney asked. He seemed surprised to see her. I began to wonder if he’d seen her again after that night.

“Oh, wow, you two are talking again and back together. That’s so great,” she said oblivious to my red puffy eyes. “You know, I felt so bad about that whole thing. I never should have lied to you.” She had turned to look at me. What the hell was she talking about?

“Excuse me?” I asked confused.

“About Sidney and I sleeping together. I’m sorry I implied that we had. Max had just told me that you’d hurt Sid so I was just trying to get you back for him,” she said nonchalantly. My breath caught in my throat as my brain tried to process what she’d just said. Had Sidney set this up so I'd forgive him? I looked over at Sidney who looked equally as surprised and confused.

“You lied to me about that?” I asked still not understanding.

“Yeah. I mean Sid was really upset. When I went over to talk to him at the bar he was drunk. I tried to get his mind off of you but he wouldn’t stop talking about you. He just kept saying that he loved you and you’d broken his heart. He tried to drive himself home but he was too drunk so I took him. He could barely tell me how to get there. Then I spent the next two hours taking care of him as he threw up everywhere but the bathroom. He finally passed out in bed and I stuck around the rest of the night to make sure he was okay. Then you came and I said it to get you back for whatever you’d done to him.”

I covered my face with my hands. Was she serious or lying about it for Sid? I didn’t know what to believe. I looked over at him again and I could see surprise, relief, and anger in his face. I knew in my heart then that he hadn’t put her up to this and was just as surprised as I was. I didn’t even know what to say. I thought about the wish I’d made on the big dipper on Christmas. This couldn’t be happening. Wishes on starts didn’t come true.

“Why would you do that?” Sidney asked through clenched teeth. She just shrugged like it was no big deal.

“It seemed like a good idea at the time. Anyway, I just saw you two and came over to apologize. Enjoy the rest of your walk!” she called giving a wave and walking away.

“Oh, God. Oh my God,” I said rushing over to a bench on the outskirts of the park. I felt like I was going to be sick.

“Lor, are you okay?” Sid asked sitting down beside me and putting a hand on my back.

“I – I can’t believe this. I stopped speaking to you because I saw her at your place. She didn’t even say you two slept together. She just implied it. This is all Thomas’s and my father’s fault!” I cried out letting my head fall into my hands and feeling new tears begin to stream down my face.

“Wait, who’s Thomas and why is this their fault?” Sid asked. I looked up at him and felt the words tumble out before I could think about them.

“Thomas is my ex. He cheated on me. He broke my heart. I forgave him and then he did it to me all over again. He destroyed my ability to trust anyone. And my father! He poisoned my mind with all his ‘hockey players will cheat on you’ bullshit. He always told me to stay away from hockey players because either they will cheat on you or they’ll turn you into a locker room story before dropping you for the next hot thing. I let them both in my head and it affected everything with you from the moment I met you. I jumped to the conclusion that you’d slept with that girl before even talking to you about it. I ruined everything,” I cried. He put an arm around me and held me as I cried.

“Loralei, I didn’t even know. I assumed the same thing. You didn’t ruin anything,” he said as I cried into his shoulder.

“Yes, I did. Everything was going great with us. I ended it based on an assumption that wasn’t even true. I’ve barely been alive these past two months all because of a lie.”

I couldn’t believe this was happening. I loved him and yet I let others dictate my relationship with him. I was so stupid. I should have just been honest from the start. I should have just sucked it up and talked to him about that night instead of sulking and maybe we would have found this out two months ago rather than now after all the pain and heartbreak.

“Lor, why didn’t you tell me who your father was?” he asked quietly, still holding me.

“Because he didn’t want me to date a hockey player. He made that clear my whole life. I didn’t want to tell him about you until I knew if things would work out for us. I was afraid if I told you about him you would tell your teammates. I’m not stupid, I know how heated things get on the ice. One of them could have said something to him during a game before I had a chance to tell him. I was so afraid of that,” I finally explained to him.

“You felt like you were barely alive these past months?” I sniffed and nodded into his shoulder.

“So have I. I was half dead the minute you told me to get out of your house. I may not remember that night but what Gwen said I was saying is true. I feel like I can’t breathe when you’re not with me. I love you.” My breath caught in my throat and I looked up at him.

“I love you too,” I whispered, new tears falling down my cheeks.

For the first time in two months the tears weren't caused pain. He took my face in his hands and pressed his lips to mine. It felt like my heart stopped. I hadn’t forgotten what it felt like to kiss him, but this was better than I remembered. Everything seemed to fade away. I even forgot that it was cold outside. When we finally broke apart he smiled down at me.

“God, I missed you,” he told me. For the first time in a month I smiled.

“I missed you too,” I repeated. He kissed me again. “I’m really kind of hungry. I don't think I've eaten since we fought. Think we can go back and grab lunch?” I asked when he pulled away.

He laughed and stood up. He held his hand out to me and I took it. He helped me up off the bench and held my hand as we walked to the deli. After our orders were finished we got into his car and drove back to the clinic. We used the back entrance to go inside to my office where we ate lunch. When my break was over I walked Sidney out.

“Mr. Crosby, what are you doing here? I didn’t know Shooter had an appointment,” I heard Nancy say when he walked out into the reception area ahead of me.

“He doesn’t. And please, call me Sidney,” he told her. I walked out from behind him and saw the confused look on her face turn into a grin.

“It’s about time you two figured it out,” Violet scolded from behind the counter and we both laughed.

“Come over after work,” he said to me.

“I will. See you later.” He gave me a quick kiss and walked outside. I turned back to them with a smile I didn’t think would ever leave my lips.

“It’s nice to have you back, Loralei,” Nancy said with a smile.

“And the eye candy you brought with you is nice to have back too,” Violet added with a wink. I rolled my eyes at them laughing and walked back to my office to finish off the rest of the day.

Chapter 20

Another week had passed since New Years and Sidney and I still hadn’t spoken to each other. I hadn’t even seen him. I knew that it should all be behind me after almost two months, but it wasn’t. There was always something that reminded me of him and it hurt every time. Even my friends were sick of me. They’d tried numerous times to cheer me up but it never worked.

“Maybe you loved him,” Phoebe said one night over dinner. I just shook my head.

“Why are we still talking about this?” I asked.

“Because you’re not over it and it’s been too long, hon. We’re just concerned about you,” Reagan said taking my hand. I pulled it away.

“You weren’t even this depressed with Thomas,” Sheila added.

“I’m fine. My life is better without him in it. Can we move on please?”

“Not until you admit that you were in love with him,” Phoebe replied. I glared at her and stood up. I took out my wallet and threw some money on the table.

“I don’t have to listen to this.” I turned and walked out of the restaurant.

“You love him, Rory, just tell him!” Reagan called after me.

I didn’t stop. I got into my car and drove home. I didn’t love him. That was just ridiculous. We’d only been dating for two weeks. Oh, who was I kidding? We had been dating the whole time, ever since we’d met a year ago. I’d had feelings for him from the moment I’d laid eyes on him at the bar. At least I’d been able to admit that to myself. It still didn’t mean I was in love with Sidney Crosby.

It was still early but I changed into pajamas and got into bed. I turned on the TV and flipped through the channels. I ended up turning it off. It seemed like everything that was on was about romance and relationships. Well, I was done with all of that. I’d had my heart broken twice and I was never going to let it happen again. Then the logical thoughts kicked in. How did you have your heart broken if you weren’t in love? I groaned and buried my face in my pillow. I couldn’t have been in love, could I? Sheila was right when she said the whole thing with Sidney had hurt me more than when Thomas had cheated on me, and I was in love with Thomas. Logically, how was I not in love with Sidney then? No matter what I felt, I still wouldn’t let myself believe that I was in love with him. If I loved him, it made it all even harder.

I felt the tears coming again. I didn’t know how I had any left. I’d been crying constantly since the fight we’d had. I knew that it was my fault. If I hadn’t held him an arms length away it never would have happened. I should have just been honest and straightforward with him from the beginning. Would it have changed anything? I knew that it was my fault he had gotten mad, but that still didn’t excuse what he did. If he’d cared about me at all he never would have gone out and picked up some chick to take home. For that I didn’t know if I’d be able to forgive him. All he’d done was prove my father right.





Sidney drove home from dinner at Mario’s house. He sometimes missed living there. Mario was a close friend and always there with advice. Nathalie and the kids were great and they always knew how to cheer him up. Not to mention that if he still lived there he never would have ruined things with Loralei. If he still lived at the Lemieux house he never would have brought home a girl. It had been almost two months and he still couldn’t remember how it happened. The last thing he remembered about that night was Max bringing the girl over to talk to him. The next thing he remembered was waking up to the doorbell when Loralei had come over.

He’d talked to Mario about it. He needed advice because he just couldn’t get Loralei out of his mind still. Luckily he wasn’t letting it affect hockey, but it affected everything else in his life. He was driving his teammates crazy with his attitude and he knew it. So when he went to Mario he was hoping for a solution to getting her out of his head. There was no way she’d ever talk to him again so he just had to move on.

“So what do I do?” he had asked Mario after dinner while they sat in the den with a hockey game on in the background.

“Tell her,” was Mario’s response.

“Tell her what?”

“That you love her.”

Sidney had laughed, not out of amusement but because that wasn’t possible. Sure, he really cared about her, but love? Not a chance. He left the house that night still thinking about it. He’d really gone for her. He chased her for a year until she finally gave him a chance. Why would he have wasted his time otherwise? Because she was someone he had fallen in love with, that’s why.

He pulled into his driveway and got out. He’d started taking a roundabout way to avoid driving past her house. It was stupid he knew, but just seeing it hurt. He was unfair to her when he’d yelled at her and he knew it. She’d obviously hidden things for a reason and he wished he just knew why. He walked in the door and greeted an excited Shooter who was barking like crazy. He put some food in the bowl for Shooter’s dinner. Then he headed into his living room to turn on the TV.

Great, everything on TV had to do with relationships. That was exactly what he needed to watch right now, he thought. He flicked it off and looked around. Usually Shooter came running in when he was done eating, wanting to play but he was nowhere to be seen.

“Shooter!” he called. There was no bark in response, no paws running across the floor. “Shooter!” he called a little louder. Still there was nothing. “What are you getting yourself into?” Sidney grumbled more to himself than to the dog. He got up and walked into the kitchen. There he saw Shooter lying on the ground, not breathing, eyes glazing over. Without a second thought he grabbed the dog, jumped in his car and pulled out of the driveway.





I turned the radio off deciding every song on was too depressing to listen to. I walked over to my bookshelf and perused the books I hadn’t read yet trying to find one that would make me forget the problems in my life, at least temporarily. Just as I picked one up the doorbell rang. No, it didn’t just ring someone was repeatedly pushing the doorbell and not letting up. Annoyed I went downstairs and pulled open the door. Sidney was standing there holding Shooter in his arms.

“Something’s wrong with him. I left him in the kitchen and when I got back he was like this. I didn’t know what to do.” The words poured out in a panic. I grabbed the dog and put him down on the floor.

“I have some supplies in the kitchen. It’s the cupboard above the refrigerator. Grab them,” I ordered.

He ran into the kitchen and I felt for a pulse. Shooter still had one, but it was weak. I listened for breaths but there were none. Sidney raced back in with the box of emergency tools I kept at the house. I’d had them for when I eventually got myself a dog. I tried to get a response from Shooter any way I could but he wasn’t responding to anything. His eyes were rolled back in his head.

“Sidney, think. What were you doing before you left Shooter alone in the kitchen?”

“I don’t know. I walked in from being out, I poured some food in his dish and then I left the room.”

I grabbed one of the mini flashlights I had and opened Shooter’s mouth. I could see a chunk of food lodged in his throat. I grabbed the necessary tools and told Sidney to hold Shooter’s mouth open. It took a little while but I managed to get the food out of his throat. I listened for a breath but I didn’t hear any like I was hoping. I had to perform CPR on him. I was starting to worry that it had been too late when I heard a sharp intake of breath come from the dog. I listened and I could hear that his breathing was becoming normal. I felt his pulse and it was becoming stronger.

“He was choking. I think he’ll be okay. Just give him a minute to wake up,” I told Sidney.

He didn’t answer. He just stared at Shooter who was now in his arms, waiting. It was almost heartbreaking seeing how upset he was that he might lose his dog. He obviously loved Shooter. Most people think a man who is great with kids is the most attractive thing in the world, but for me it was a man who loved his dog. Then it hit me all at once like a ton of bricks. I knew then that I in fact did love Sidney Crosby.

Shooter stirred and gradually woke up. When I saw a tear roll down Sidney’s face I turned and walked into the kitchen. I felt like I was intruding. I pulled down a glass and filled it with water. I drank it all in one gulp. I couldn’t believe that Sidney was here in my house. I didn’t know if I’d ever talk to him again and now he was here. And I loved him. I heard paws running towards me and turned to see Sidney and Shooter coming into the room. I bent down and grabbed Shooter’s head.

“You gave us a scare, mister. I’d appreciate you eating your food a little slower next time, okay?” I gave him a kiss on the top of the head and let him go.

“Thank you so much. I didn’t know where else to go,” Sidney said. I forced a smile.

“I’m glad I could help.” We both just stood there for a minute. It was awkward. Things had never been awkward with us before and it broke my heart a little bit more.

“I guess I’ll let you get back to what you were doing before I came. Thanks again.”

I nodded and watched him walk out of the room. I heard the door open and close again. I gripped the countertop so hard that my knuckles turned white. I turned and leaned over the counter putting my face in my hands.

“Why can’t I just tell him how I feel?!” I yelled out loud at myself.

“I don’t know. Why can’t you just tell me?” I whirled around at the sound of his voice. There he was, standing in the doorway to my kitchen with Shooter standing next to him.

“I thought you left.”

“I was going to, but I couldn’t leave without talking to you. How do you feel?”

“I’m going to bed,” I said pushing past him and heading for the stairs. I loved him, but I was still hurt and angry and not ready to talk to him yet. He caught me and grabbed my arm not letting me leave.

“Okay, you don’t want to talk about how you feel, but you’re at least going to listen to me before you blow me off. You owe me that. Please.” I paused debating over what to do.

“Not right now. Please, I can’t take it right now,” I said through the forming tears.

“Lunch tomorrow?” he asked. I thought about it and decided that it was best to get it over with.

“Fine. I’ll meet you at the deli near my office at 1,” I told him.

He nodded and attempted a smile before he called to Shooter and walked out the front door. I went upstairs and got into bed. I pulled the comforter completely over my head and did my best not to think about Sidney.

Chapter 19

I stared at the house across the street. I wanted to burn it down. Who did those people think they were putting up “Merry Christmas” and “Joy to the world” signs along with their ridiculously colorful Christmas lights and reindeer and Santas? I glanced down the street and watched two other homeowners doing the same thing. Didn’t they know what they were doing to me?

I let the curtain close in front of me and curled up on the floor in front of the fire I had going. I wrapped a blanket around me and sipped my cup of tea. I was miserable. Sidney Crosby had effectively killed my favorite holiday. Christmas was the time of year when you couldn’t wipe a smile off of my face. This year I couldn’t manage one.

I’d just gone through dealing with all that Thanksgiving bullshit yesterday. If I had to hear one more person say what they were thankful for, I was going to go on a mass killing spree. What had I been thankful for? Nothing. Not a God damn thing. I’d declined invitations to numerous Thanksgiving dinners claiming that I was technically Canadian and our Thanksgiving had gone by a month ago. That was a load of crap. I never missed an American Thanksgiving.

I stared into the fire wishing that I could find something, anything to cheer me up. The only thought popping into my mind was Sidney. I looked down at my cup of tea as if it contained an answer for me. Instead I saw a tear drop fall into it. I hadn’t even known I’d been crying. Not that I was surprised. I hadn’t stopped in a week.

As the sky grew darker I noticed it get brighter outside. I realized I could see the illumination from the Christmas lights across the street. I was envious of them. Today was usually the day I put up my decorations as well. This year I hadn’t even gone into storage and gotten the boxes out. I wiped the tears away and looked over at my phone. It told me I had 15 missed calls, some from the Penguins girls, but today would not be the day I’d return a single one.

A month later I stood in the kitchen at my parents’ house. In the past few years I had basically been in charge of Christmas dinner, but this year I couldn’t bring myself to care. The girls had forced me to put up my Christmas decorations despite my rejections, but not once did they put a smile on my face. As I thought back on it, I couldn’t remember when the last time I smiled was.

I sat quietly through Christmas dinner with my family, only speaking when spoken to. It had never been that way. Usually with them it was difficult to shut me up. I knew that everyone could see how depressed I was, but not one of them tried to make me talk about it. Not until it was late on Christmas night and everyone had gone to bed. I walked downstairs and sat in the dark in the living room staring out the window at the stars.

“Honey, are you okay?” I heard my mother ask. I turned to see her standing at the end of the couch with a look of concern on her face.

“Yeah, Mom, I’m fine,” I said unconvincingly. She came over and sat down next to me.

“Loralei, I know you better than that. What’s going on?” she persisted. I looked back up at the stars and saw the big dipper. It was one of the only constellations I recognized.

“I got back together with Thomas,” I whispered, barely able to hear myself. I knew she’d heard me when I heard her sigh.

“When did this happen?” I looked over at her, tears building in my eyes.

“Last year. I didn’t tell anyone. I was afraid he’d hurt me again. He did,” I told her. She reached over and put an arm around me.

“Honey, you can’t help who you love,” she said simply. I shook my head knowing I hadn’t even told her the half of it.

“I forgave him for cheating on me, and he did it again.” She was silent for a minute, obviously choosing her words carefully.

“You really just have to follow your heart. If it tells you to forgive someone, you have to. That doesn’t always mean it’s right.” I took that in and thought of Sidney. Was my heart telling me to forgive him?

“I’ll never forgive anyone who does that to me again,” I said more to myself than to her. I said it with enough force that she pulled back a bit.

“Is there something else you’re not telling me?” she asked. I’d never been able to hide anything from her.

“Sidney cheated on me,” I choked out. The tears that had been building started to fall. I’d never told my parents that Sidney and I were dating and I wasn’t sure how she’d react.

“Sidney? Sidney Crosby?” she asked. Obviously my father had told her about Sidney being at my house while he was there. I nodded and began to sob.

"After pursuing me for a year I gave in just to have him cheat on me at the first sign of trouble." She pulled me to her and I cried on her shoulder.

“Did you love him?” she asked after a few minutes. I jerked my head away from her.

“Of course not! We’d only been dating a few weeks!” I protested. She gave me a look that told me she didn’t believe me.

“You want to forgive him though,” she said. I shook my head.

“No, I don’t. I don’t want to forgive that.”

“Because of Thomas,” she stated. I clenched my jaw not sure how to respond to that. We sat there in silence for a while. She got up from the couch and started back towards the stairs to go back to bed. “They’re not the same person.” With that statement she disappeared up the stairs.

I looked back at the stars and thought about what she had said. Just because they weren’t the same person didn’t mean they weren’t alike. Somewhere inside me though, I knew better. I found the big dipper again and made a wish. I made one I knew could never come true. I wished that that night had never happened.





Sidney put on a coat, toque, and gloves and walked outside. He sat down in a chair on the front porch. It was late and everyone in his family had gone to bed. He’d had a talk with his father earlier when they were alone. He confessed everything that had happened with Loralei. He told his dad that she’d lied about her father and that he’d gotten so angry with her that he drank so much he took another girl home.

His father was obviously not too thrilled with the news and Sidney understood. He’d put himself into a very dangerous situation. He didn’t even know the girl he’d taken home. For all he knew she could turn that around on him in ways he didn’t even want to think of. He had no idea what kind of person she was and silently prayed that she wouldn’t do anything that could ruin him or his life.

His father also had no good advice for him as far as Loralei went. He asked Sidney why she would lie about her father, and Sid didn’t have an answer for him. When his father asked him why he hadn’t talked to Loralei about it, Sid didn’t have an answer to that question either except that he was a hot head. He was simply too angry to care and it had cost him their relationship.

After telling Sidney that there wasn’t anything he could do about it in Nova Scotia, his father convinced him to at least act like he was happy to be home with his family. Acting is exactly what Sidney did during Christmas dinner. He acted so well he deserved an Oscar. There was no feeling behind the smiles or the laughter. He didn’t feel much except for pain.

Now as he sat outside looking out at a deserted street and the snow he wondered if there was anything he could do. How did you apologize for blacking out while drinking, and then cheating on someone? Sidney didn’t know, and wasn’t sure it was possible. He looked up at the sky and picked out the big dipper. He had never been big into astrology, but he knew about the big dipper. As he looked up he made a wish he knew couldn’t happen. If only he hadn't cheated on her.





New Years didn’t treat me any better. I’d tried to stay home and sulk away the coming of another year, but my friends weren’t having it. Reagan threw a party at her house and they’d made me go. I wasn’t up for small talk but there wasn’t much else to do. No, the only other thing to do was to drink.

And drink is what I did. I didn’t even bother counting the amount of drinks I had and I didn’t discriminate either. I started with wine, changed over to daiquiris and at some point switched to chocolate mudslides. I was hoping the alcohol would dull the pain since nothing else had worked, but so far I wasn’t having much luck.

I watched everyone gather around the TV in excitement as the ball began to drop. I listened to everyone count it down until it was 2009. People began to celebrate and hug. Couples kissed and champagne bottles were being sprayed. I chose to chug my bottle of champagne.

“Happy New Year, Rory!” Sheila exclaimed walking over and giving me a hug. I put my arms around her, but found it was more so I could stay standing than to hug her back.

“And to you,” I slurred without a smile or hint of joy. She frowned at me and took away the half empty bottle of champagne. “I bet Sidney’s having a fantastic time with friends tonight.” She shook her head and half carried me into a bedroom. I was left alone for a minute until she came back in with Phoebe and Reagan in tow.

“Okay, we’ve had enough of this. Where is your phone?” Phoebe asked. I reached into my back pocket and pulled it out, handing it over to her.

“Why do you need my phone?” I asked, working very hard to keep myself upright.

“We need to make a phone call,” Reagan responded. I peered over their shoulders as they scrolled through my contact list. I could hardly read the names as they went by except for the one they stopped on. I watched on in horror as they hit “talk” on Sidney’s number.

“No!” I screamed grabbing the phone from Reagan’s hand and throwing it against the wall. I watched as it smashed into pieces on impact.

“Loralei, for fuck’s sake, what is wrong with you?!” Sheila exclaimed.

“I can’t forgive him. I won’t,” I mumbled.

“You don’t have to forgive him,” Phoebe said to me, pushing some hair from my face.

“Then why were you calling him?” I asked confused. They exchanged looks.

“He really should know what he’s done to you and how you feel,” Reagan replied. I felt the tears coming again.

“You want to know how I feel?” I asked angrily.

“Yes, Rory. Please, finally talk to us about this,” Sheila begged. Instead of responding I ran into the bathroom and threw up.