Chapter 21

I looked at the clock and willed the hour hand to move back so it wasn’t 1:00 yet. In fact I wanted it to move back a few hours. I had no such luck and grabbed my jacket. Despite the cold I walked to the deli instead of driving. Walking gave me time to prepare for my meeting with Sidney. As I got closer I saw Sidney’s Range Rover in the parking lot and I stopped for a minute. Could I really do this?

He’d wanted to talk and I didn’t know what about exactly. I assumed he was going to apologize for Barbie. Even so, did I really want to hear it? I didn’t want to hear about him being angry and turning off his phone so I couldn’t reach him. I didn’t want to hear about him going to some bar or something and picking up the trashiest looking girl there. I didn’t want to hear about him taking her home. I started walking again knowing that if I didn’t do it now, he’d find a way to do it later.

“Hey,” he said softly when I walked through the door into the deli. He looked good. No, make that fantastic. I could already feel the tears threatening to fall from my eyes.

“I’m not really hungry. Can we just walk?” I asked.

“Sure,” he said and followed me outside. We walked for a minute towards the park down the street in silence. “I’m sorry. God, Loralei, I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you,” I said to him. I glanced over at him and saw that he was staring down at his feet as we walked, much like I was doing.

“I don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t thinking at all. I didn’t even want to go to the bar that night. I just drank way too much and I honestly don’t know how that happened. The whole night is a blur and I don’t remember the end of it. I don’t know how we got to my house, and I don’t know what happened. It’s no excuse, I never should have put myself into that position and I will forever be kicking myself for that.”

I felt the hot tears streak over my cold face. Somehow the fact that he didn’t remember doing it made everything worse. If he was going to sleep with somebody else, I would at least hope it was memorable. There was another silence between us and I didn’t know if he was going to continue or if he expected me to say something. I started shaking and I wasn't sure if it was because of my emotions or the cold.

“I can’t even begin to explain how hurt I was when I saw that girl standing at your door,” I choked out. I didn’t look over at him. I couldn’t.

“Maybe it’s similar to how hurt I was when you said you’d never date a hockey player two weeks after you told me you’d give me a chance.” There it was. It was out there now and it was my turn to try to explain.

“I didn’t mean it. My dad has this thing. Maybe if you’d answered your phone at some point during the day we could have talked about it and avoided this whole situation,” I accused. He wasn’t going to blame any of this on me. I didn’t force him into bed with another girl, he did that on his own. We continued to walk in awkward silence.

“Sidney?” a high pitched female voice called from behind us. Well, speak of the devil, I thought when I turned and saw the same girl we were just talking about coming up to us. I felt myself getting angry at the sight of her. Had Sidney asked her to come to help him apologize? Like anything she said would make me feel better.

“Gwen?” Sidney asked. He seemed surprised to see her. I began to wonder if he’d seen her again after that night.

“Oh, wow, you two are talking again and back together. That’s so great,” she said oblivious to my red puffy eyes. “You know, I felt so bad about that whole thing. I never should have lied to you.” She had turned to look at me. What the hell was she talking about?

“Excuse me?” I asked confused.

“About Sidney and I sleeping together. I’m sorry I implied that we had. Max had just told me that you’d hurt Sid so I was just trying to get you back for him,” she said nonchalantly. My breath caught in my throat as my brain tried to process what she’d just said. Had Sidney set this up so I'd forgive him? I looked over at Sidney who looked equally as surprised and confused.

“You lied to me about that?” I asked still not understanding.

“Yeah. I mean Sid was really upset. When I went over to talk to him at the bar he was drunk. I tried to get his mind off of you but he wouldn’t stop talking about you. He just kept saying that he loved you and you’d broken his heart. He tried to drive himself home but he was too drunk so I took him. He could barely tell me how to get there. Then I spent the next two hours taking care of him as he threw up everywhere but the bathroom. He finally passed out in bed and I stuck around the rest of the night to make sure he was okay. Then you came and I said it to get you back for whatever you’d done to him.”

I covered my face with my hands. Was she serious or lying about it for Sid? I didn’t know what to believe. I looked over at him again and I could see surprise, relief, and anger in his face. I knew in my heart then that he hadn’t put her up to this and was just as surprised as I was. I didn’t even know what to say. I thought about the wish I’d made on the big dipper on Christmas. This couldn’t be happening. Wishes on starts didn’t come true.

“Why would you do that?” Sidney asked through clenched teeth. She just shrugged like it was no big deal.

“It seemed like a good idea at the time. Anyway, I just saw you two and came over to apologize. Enjoy the rest of your walk!” she called giving a wave and walking away.

“Oh, God. Oh my God,” I said rushing over to a bench on the outskirts of the park. I felt like I was going to be sick.

“Lor, are you okay?” Sid asked sitting down beside me and putting a hand on my back.

“I – I can’t believe this. I stopped speaking to you because I saw her at your place. She didn’t even say you two slept together. She just implied it. This is all Thomas’s and my father’s fault!” I cried out letting my head fall into my hands and feeling new tears begin to stream down my face.

“Wait, who’s Thomas and why is this their fault?” Sid asked. I looked up at him and felt the words tumble out before I could think about them.

“Thomas is my ex. He cheated on me. He broke my heart. I forgave him and then he did it to me all over again. He destroyed my ability to trust anyone. And my father! He poisoned my mind with all his ‘hockey players will cheat on you’ bullshit. He always told me to stay away from hockey players because either they will cheat on you or they’ll turn you into a locker room story before dropping you for the next hot thing. I let them both in my head and it affected everything with you from the moment I met you. I jumped to the conclusion that you’d slept with that girl before even talking to you about it. I ruined everything,” I cried. He put an arm around me and held me as I cried.

“Loralei, I didn’t even know. I assumed the same thing. You didn’t ruin anything,” he said as I cried into his shoulder.

“Yes, I did. Everything was going great with us. I ended it based on an assumption that wasn’t even true. I’ve barely been alive these past two months all because of a lie.”

I couldn’t believe this was happening. I loved him and yet I let others dictate my relationship with him. I was so stupid. I should have just been honest from the start. I should have just sucked it up and talked to him about that night instead of sulking and maybe we would have found this out two months ago rather than now after all the pain and heartbreak.

“Lor, why didn’t you tell me who your father was?” he asked quietly, still holding me.

“Because he didn’t want me to date a hockey player. He made that clear my whole life. I didn’t want to tell him about you until I knew if things would work out for us. I was afraid if I told you about him you would tell your teammates. I’m not stupid, I know how heated things get on the ice. One of them could have said something to him during a game before I had a chance to tell him. I was so afraid of that,” I finally explained to him.

“You felt like you were barely alive these past months?” I sniffed and nodded into his shoulder.

“So have I. I was half dead the minute you told me to get out of your house. I may not remember that night but what Gwen said I was saying is true. I feel like I can’t breathe when you’re not with me. I love you.” My breath caught in my throat and I looked up at him.

“I love you too,” I whispered, new tears falling down my cheeks.

For the first time in two months the tears weren't caused pain. He took my face in his hands and pressed his lips to mine. It felt like my heart stopped. I hadn’t forgotten what it felt like to kiss him, but this was better than I remembered. Everything seemed to fade away. I even forgot that it was cold outside. When we finally broke apart he smiled down at me.

“God, I missed you,” he told me. For the first time in a month I smiled.

“I missed you too,” I repeated. He kissed me again. “I’m really kind of hungry. I don't think I've eaten since we fought. Think we can go back and grab lunch?” I asked when he pulled away.

He laughed and stood up. He held his hand out to me and I took it. He helped me up off the bench and held my hand as we walked to the deli. After our orders were finished we got into his car and drove back to the clinic. We used the back entrance to go inside to my office where we ate lunch. When my break was over I walked Sidney out.

“Mr. Crosby, what are you doing here? I didn’t know Shooter had an appointment,” I heard Nancy say when he walked out into the reception area ahead of me.

“He doesn’t. And please, call me Sidney,” he told her. I walked out from behind him and saw the confused look on her face turn into a grin.

“It’s about time you two figured it out,” Violet scolded from behind the counter and we both laughed.

“Come over after work,” he said to me.

“I will. See you later.” He gave me a quick kiss and walked outside. I turned back to them with a smile I didn’t think would ever leave my lips.

“It’s nice to have you back, Loralei,” Nancy said with a smile.

“And the eye candy you brought with you is nice to have back too,” Violet added with a wink. I rolled my eyes at them laughing and walked back to my office to finish off the rest of the day.